I've had the same issue fighting melee for awhile--well, I guess it's two problems. 1. I have trouble going forward (this also applies to tourney fencing, but I'm much more timid than usual on the melee field), and 2. I get really bad tunnel vision.
The first problem happens in line fights. Let me clarify--I'm not afraid of getting hit or killed or whatever. I'm rarely in the dead-center of a line and have never been "that guy" who gets killed and then leaves a huge hole in the line that collapses the whole thing. I'm not afraid of getting hit too hard or anything--I take a certain pride in my fencing bruises, thank you very much. :)
The problem illustrates an overall lack of confidence in my defensive (and therefore, by extension, offensive) skills which I'd really like to change. I have no problem dying over and over in the interest of learning something, but when I die in a line fight I don't feel like I learn anything--it's very easy for me to get frustrated in a line fight, unlike in other types of melee fighting, because I feel like it's so unproductive me intellectually. I have plenty of confidence but I'm not quite up to speed, physically or conceptually. It's frustrating, and I don't really want to talk more about it right now because I've already filled my frustration quota for today. :) Maybe it's just that I need more practice. I don't know--part of the reason this is frustrating at all is because I can't identify why I'm having this problem, I just know I'm having it.
Same with the tunnel vision thing. I tend to freeze up more in melees, possibly because so much other shit is going on around me, and when I'm one-on-one with someone else I make shitty little potshots with no originality or tactics whatsoever. I think it's because I have so much other crap on my mind, first and foremost being ready to shout at people if someone's coming up alongside or behind them, and secondly not getting sneaked up on or DFB'd myself. Practice practice practice. How to improve my concentration, I don't know. I should probably not be allowed to boss small groups around for awhile. I never seem to do anything good with them--I just do the obvious thing because I feel like everyone's waiting on me, and that rarely works well. But practice practice practice fucking practice. Damn it.
Love each other. Respect all life. And don't run with your spears. --Avatar.
Very good pointwork on Sat. Laertes asked me right after the last melee what I thought I did well, and I sourly replied that "Well, I went backward pretty good." He just kept at me until I confessed to managing my point pretty well and being able to let go of my frustration after about the first 10 minutes of melee (I'd had some trouble getting into the headspace and that was bugging me until I made a conscious effort to ground myself and concentrate, dammit! chill out and concentrate!), so that was good. Must remember the good. Never forget the funny. Have more fun. Eat your veggies. Et cetera.
Hope to post a little bit more about some other potentially very good developments later on in the month. Mum's the word for now! :)
Thanks for reading this, btw. I haven't gotten many comments, but I've gotten a lot of feedback off-LJ saying that people enjoy reading this, and I like attention! I'm glad you guys are enjoying my mental diarrhea as I try to keep my brain in sync with my body. And vice versa.
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