Triumph! Or, how I made friends with my brachioradialis.

A Day in the Life of the Elbow

When last we left our intrepid (insipid?) blogger, Enid was mourning the death of her left arm.

Well, boys and girls, Enid learned a new word this month:

Brachioradialis.

It all goes like this:

After the last post, I got a lot of commentary and feedback (usually in person, rather than in type, which is why it isn't too crowded down there in the archives) from other fencers. Fencers I respect, fencers with years more experience than I have, fencers who I want to be like when I grow up. Almost universally, their response was "Take time off now, before it gets any worse." So I put my feelings on the matter aside, carefully considered their advice, inserted my fingers into my ears, and went LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

But I did everything else they told me to do. :) Namely, I went out and got a pressure-point brace, started an anti-inflammatory regimen, made sure to ice it every night, and had it massaged twice a day by kindly Tibetan monks. Well, not really with the monks. But that would have been awesome. And let me tell ya, I wore that brace every damn day. I wore it driving, wore it when while I cooked, wore it playing video games, wore it sewing, and wore it at work (especially when typing. Talk about tendon isolation, wow. Typing was a pain in the butt. Well, arm. You know what I mean). The only times I didn't wear it was when I was in bed or when I'd been wearing it long enough that it started to chafe.

I also picked up some fish oil supplements and have been taking them 1-2 times per day, but that's more incidental--they're supposed to help with your joints and other things longer-term, and I'd been meaning to start on that for awhile, so it seemed like the appropriate thing to do.

The esteemed and extremely spiffy Cap'n Lot also took me out in his backyard and schooled me... in how to hold my sword more effectively. He worked with me for about an hour? ish? on getting the sword better balanced in my hand, and maintaining a more correct grip and balance through the lunge, so I'm gripping it less tightly and letting the weight of the sword counterbalance properly in my hand. It's interesting to note that it was much easier to do a "proper" Italian lunge (first the arm, then the body, then the foot at the very end... when do you move your head, anyway? with the body?) with the "proper" grip on the sword, but other than noticing the improvement, I'm not really well-educated enough to observe much about that.

I was a little apprehensive about working with the arm when I planned on going to Altavia practice two days later (fencing two days in a row is what first made it start hurting), but when I was holding it right it didn't hurt at all. It actually relieved some of the pain in my arm by using different muscles, which forced the tight ones to relax so the others could contract. It was great.

Even better was the fact that it didn't hurt any worse at all the next day, and had even improved. I'd been noticing incremental improvements over the course of the week, usually first thing in the morning, with increasing soreness as I used the left arm during the day, so I expected to feel sore again on Sunday, or at least the same level of pain and weakness, but it had actually improved. It was very encouraging. I'll have to keep working on holding my sword the way he said to, because it was very comfortable, but very different from what I'm used to, and as I concentrated on lunging properly, I found myself sliding back into my old grip.

The trend continued at Lyondemere Anniversary last weekend, where by the end of the day my entire arm was exhausted, but the elbow wasn't making a peep. I pretty much danced and sang.

I woke up Sunday morning really sore, but in a bunch of new places and no old ones. My shoulder ached a little, my left lat was sore, and my bicep and tricep were both sore, but my elbow felt good. It ached a little bit, and felt warm like it had been working hard, but it didn't have that persistent, stinging throb that it's had in the last few weeks. It was really nice. It had felt good the week before, but the fact that I could go out and fence all day and have minimal side effects the next day was really reassuring.

I feel like I'm doing the right stuff to take care of it, and that's excellent news. Now the trick will be remembering to continue taking care of it as it keeps feeling better. I think I might keep wearing the brace at work, because typing really does isolate the poor bugger.

Fun at Lyondemere and New Drills

In other news, Lyondemere Anniversary was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with good folks (and adorable babies) and fence some new folks (and adorable babies) and generally have a lovely day (also, there were babies. They were pretty cute).

Laertes and I got to hang a bit, which was good. He gave me a new parry drill because I'm still having trouble synchronizing my right and left hands. I can parry fine with the sword or with the dagger, and I can attack fine with the sword, but I can hardly parry with the dagger and attack with the sword simultaneously. Well, correction--I can do it great when I think about it, but that kind of defeats the purpose. I need to get the counterattack into an instinctive, fluid motion, and specifically one This drill starts nice and slow, then gets progressively faster as it gets more comfortable. The drill is a shot to the hip, shortly followed by a low parry, then a shot to the shoulder and a high parry. The idea is that your opponent is doing the same thing in mirror, so when you attack them, they're parrying, and as they attack you parry.

I definitely need to concentrate on doing the first few rounds of this drill slowly, getting my parries locked without overcommitting them and really working on lunging with a good turn of the hip for distance, not snapping the arm out to full extension (that way lies tendon strain).

I'm having a different issue with the sword parry--I tend to take my point dramatically off-line while I'm parrying because I'm parrying with my whole arm, rather than just by adjusting the angle of my elbow and shoulder. Rather than lifting or dropping my hand, I swipe with the whole arm from one side to another, which is effective, but slow, and only works defensively. I can't counterattack effectively when my guard is off to the side, and if my opponent is fast enough to counter my parry, I'm pretty much hosed.

So in comes drill number two, some basic parries with my point resting lightly on something. I'm a little worried that I'll end up really resting the point on whatever it is (a tree, a wall, a kitten, whatever) and defeat the purpose of the drill, but I'll give it my best shot. I think if I do this one before my arm gets tired and with good concentration, I'll be okay.

Both of these drills are designed to be done with someone else, but I think I can do them at home. That inside wall of my patio is looking awfully inviting. Not to mention I have this boyfriend...

Fencer's Elbow

I've been having a touch of tennis elbow over the last couple weeks. Well, tennis or golfer's elbow, not sure--it's aggravated by lifting things and bending the elbow, which is a tennis elbow thing, but I also have some pain when I do finger-specific movements (typing, etc.), which is apparently more common in golfer's elbow... screw it, I have fencer's elbow. So say we all.

I first noticed it after an Altavia practice the day after a fairly vigorous Darach practice about a month ago, and it's sort of come and gone since then. It's gotten significantly worse in the last week, starting last weekend. I'm pretty sure I slept all of Saturday night with both arms fully extended and locked outside the covers, (odd, aren't I?) which probably aggravated it.

On Sunday I went out and bought a forearm strap on Don Eogan's recommendation. It was a little unnerving to put it on and feel an immediate relief from pain that I had previously been unaware of--I didn't realize it had hurt at all until it stopped hurting.

Fencing at Altavia on Monday with the strap on was awesome--I could feel weakness in the arm, but other than one over-extended lunge (that ended with my elbow getting clipped by the edge of my opponent's sword, arg!), I didn't feel any pain or discomfort at all. It wasn't sore at all the next morning, either (another standard symptom of tennis elbow is morning stiffness, which I haven't experienced at all yet). It got more sore as the day went on, and by Tuesday night it was pretty painful, but I went all day on Wednesday without the brace and it really didn't bother me until the end of the workday. Typing and fine finger movements (spinning the iPod wheel, for example) definitely bug me a bit, so I'm tying to avoid them... in my left hand, anyway.

At the moment, I've put myself on an ibuprofen regimen to decrease swelling, am wearing the brace almost all of my waking hours, and icing it in bed every night. I hope with a little rest and coddling it clears up by itself, because my range of motion and activity in my left arm has been badly impacted. Fortunately I'm not entirely left-hand dominant--after a couple of days I've successfully taught myself to eat with my right hand like I did when I was a kid, and as long as I keep the left elbow propped up I can type and things at work with no discomfort.

So, outlook? Well, I've had a lot of people tell me their tennis elbow stories, most of which end in "...and then I had to take two, four, six, fifteen months off! And have surgery! Which was really painful! And then my marriage ended! And my dog died! And I NEVAR FENCED AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN."

I will not be that person. I've decided. Kthxnook?thxbai.

Seriously. I'm just, just barely feeling like I'm starting to improve, damn it, and I'm not going to take some lame months off to lick my damn elbow tendon and feel sorry for myself (because, I assure you, I will feel sorry for myself, and it will be unbecoming). The very idea puts me in a cheerfully destructive frame of mind.

That being said, I'm not going to be a moron about it, either. I'll take my Advil and rest my arm and wear my brace and rest my arm and ice it every night and rest my arm and stop typing so much left-handed and rest my arm. I'll only fence once a week, I can do that. I'll stop using my left arm entirely six days and twenty-three hours a week, but I'm not going to give up my one hour of fencing unless I absolutely have to.

I may light that incense regardless.

Gyldenholt Anniversary, 2010

Fun fun fun at Gyldenholt!

This here's a big ol' post, so in the interest of easy reading, I've chunked it. It's a tech writer thing. Trust me, you'll like it.

Tourney Fights

My first tourney fight was with Don Lot. I have to confess to a moment of "Oh for God's sake" when that got called, because my two fights at Altavia Anny. were both against White Scarves, and we all know how that ended. :)

I actually thought my fight went pretty well up until the very end. I tried to put aside the knowledge that I wasn't going to be a challenging fight for him, and that by extension the whole fight was going to be an exercise in me trying new things and him letting me, which feels like an indulgence in a tourney setting, which, rather than encouraging, just defeats me in my head regardless of anyone else's intention or mindset. Oh, the headspace. Look at it go.

That reaction isn't about anyone else's demeanor or how I feel like I'm treated, on the field or off. It's all about me and my insecurities. I'm completely aware of this and, while it's a common reaction, I know it's a bad reaction, and no one is responsible for it but me. Just FYI. :)

I successfully put all that psychological crap aside for the first minute or two of the fight, while I was getting Lot's measure and gauging what it looked like he was going to do--it's hard to explain, but I can sort of tell what kind of fight my opponent is bringing in the first minute or so of a bout. It's not about guards or footwork or anything, it's about their speed, their aggression, probably a bunch of subconscious body language that I can read but not acknowledge consciously. Anyway, the first few passes and feints were spent gauging the fight a little bit.

I think my main problem was that the headspace started creeping up on me and I gave up too quickly. I threw a couple iffy shots and when they were parried, got in a bit too close and got killed. I didn't really believe in the final shot I threw which opened me up to get killed, and I came off the field disappointed that I hadn't tried harder. Shook it off, round two!

I won round two. It wasn't a pretty kill--I got a garbage shot in on the head that I barely felt as my opponent took my right leg. I did feel really good about my defense in the bout--I had a lot of nice sword parries and blocked a couple good two-hit combinations. I didn't love the killshot, but I felt really solid about my defense.

Round three took me out, and I know exactly why I died, so I was satisfied. I stepped out into the Angry Druids shot and forgot to use my offhand. I was ready to take the second step with my right foot, bringing my body off line and into the opponent's one-to-two o'clock space, and I could feel my right arm moving up to bring the dagger into place, but I got sniped in the throat before it could get there. If I had moved the dagger with the first step, I probably could have blocked it. Better luck next time.

Queen's Guard Challenges

Then we had the Queen's Guard challenges against the White Scarves and Gyldenholt Baronial Guard. They were a lot of fun, and I really felt like I fenced well.

The first fight was against the Baronial Guard, and it was great. I ended up being the last guard on the field and held off two Baronial guards, literally with my main hand behind my back. In part that last bit was because they were too polite to rush me two-on-one, but still, it looked impressive. :)

I was in the middle of the line at the beginning of that fight, which isn't great for me--I move around too much to fight productively in the middle of the line. When pinned in on both sides, I tend to go backwards, which is really bad when I'm fighting in a line! Fortunately, five Queen's Guards versus six Baronial Guards meant both lines fell apart fairly quickly and no one died because I took that step backwards. As our line dissolved and theirs pressed forward, I killed the person right in front of me, and then the person immediately to their left with a couple shots to the chest and collarbone. It was, in a word, awesome.

The two lines broke into one-on-one fights across the field, and as I was looking at a big tall guy thinking He could shoot my head right off my neck, Cecilia sniped my hand through my guard in a beautiful shot. I was shouting begrudging compliments at her as I switched hands and handed off my dagger, then booked it across the field to team up with Lorccan against Sigbjorn, Cecilia, and Yentz. Eventually it was me one handed me versus Yentz and Cecilia, which lead to my epic and heroic death, paeans to which will be sung through the annals of time by tender-footed virgins, glory glory, etc.

After that came the fight with the White Scarves. I died fast in that one, but I did get in a great shot that popped under a buckler and into a stomach. I even guarded my head properly with my dagger. Preen preen preen.

3DC 10th Anniversary Melees

I loved the melees. I thought they were original, had multiple possible roles for each fighter (killer, guard, pourer of whiskey, whatev) and the inclusion of props (like the table) made it unlikely that the scenarios would become boring line fights. There was little room in each scenario for twattery, given the expressed rules and objectives. Overall, a big win for Raz, who designed the scenarios. Good on ya, buddy!

My team was Don Colwyn and Avenel, who are both a lot of fun to fight with and against. We made finals, and got taken out by Roisin, Nathanial, and one other guy whose name I can't remember (Sorry, nameless dude!). Before that, I killed a couple people in the two-life res, and the first scenario. Fun fun fun.

Buckler Time with Avenel

After that, Avenel grabbed me and gave me some buckler schoolin'. I've felt like my buckler work hasn't been great in the last few months--I've been playing with dagger and baton so much, I tend to swat with anything you put in my right hand. When that thing's a 17" round wooden buckler, it's not effective. Either that, or I stick my hand straight out and just leave it there, not doing anything with it, and trust the surface area to protect me. BORING.

Avenel suggested I cross my right hand over my left and use the edge of the buckler to punch forward with every strike. I love this idea in principle, but certain aspects of female anatomy make getting as stark an angle as he does difficult for me. He literally sits his right hand over his left, the buckler angled over the hilt so the edge is almost parallel to the blade. I could manage the angle with his buckler (he has a dome in the middle of his and can close his hand all the way around the grip--my buckler is flat, so I can only get my fingers through the strap and flatten the buckler against the back of my hand, if necessary), but the hand and arm positioning was difficult given the placement of my guard. I could do the angle fine if my guard was about a foot higher, almost first and second. Not effective for general practice.

The idea of punching the edge of the buckler forward with the guard of my sword was really interesting. It ties in nicely with what Laertes' has been teaching me about using sword and offhand simultaneously in an attack. I could see the buckler-over-blade technique in particular working well in an Angry Druids scenario. Lots of valuable stuff to think about. I very much appreciated Avenel taking the time to walk me through the geometry and give me the suggestions--especially after he made the three-way finals in the tourney and probably had some other stuff to think about at the time. :)

Final Thoughts

Last week, I made it down to Altavia fighter practice. It was a lot of fun, and I think I'm going to try and go more regularly. The Isles practice has become really familiar for me, and I think I'd like to try fighting some new people. I also spend too much time hanging out there, and not enough fencing. In the interest of actually keeping my mind on the game, I think I'll be going to Altavia practice more and Isles practice less. It's a long drive, but it's feasible... we'll see what happens in the long run.

In other news, I'm starting to actually feel competitive. I was legitimately disappointed when my team didn't win the melees and wanted to fight in the tourney longer. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Will this help or harm my Zen? Only time will tell, I guess.

Potrero, 2010

ETA: This post has been a draft for awhile, but I just never got around to publishing it. :) Voila!

Potrero on the whole was a blast. There are some extraneous details on my LiveJournal, but here's the fencing part:

Saturday was a good day. Really, most days fighting melee are good days. I'm much happier attacking from the side than I am attacking from straight ahead, so any day I can snipe someone in the throat from their one or eleven o'clock is a good day for me.

I'm a lot better at head, chest, and neck shots from an angle than I am from straight ahead. In part it's because I know I don't have to watch my defense as much from the side, so I'm more comfortable being aggressive, and in part it's because I always worry about hitting too hard when I'm attacking from the front, because I tend to like to get in and out as fast as possible. This results in my jabbing my arm out without much force behind it, rather than going into a full, and fully controlled, lunge; ironically, this would protect me more if I did it correctly, and when I do, I tend not to die unless I do something amazingly stupid and lunge myself into someone's point. Like so many issues, it is, at its root, a confidence thing, not an ability thing.

Sunday was also good. I skipped the first melee in the interest of waking up slowly and fought for the rest of the day. I had given Saturday my all and Sunday was a lot harder, but I never felt like I was losing control, hitting too hard, or being unsafe in any of the standard "You are too tired to fence" ways.

It was hot. Getting back into Darach's marine layer of gentle humidity and 18-hour-a-day fog was a wonderful change.

For the record, I have to say, I love the Caid Rapier community. I feel a lot about the group the way I imagine some people must feel about their extended families. It's a wonderfully supportive, cheerful place to learn and try new things, and while (like an extended family) I may not like everyone individually, I like the vast majority, and I like the group. Thanks, all. :)

Altavia Anniversary, 05/22/10

Oof.

Altavia Anniversary was lots of fun, but oh MAN, did I suck on the rapier front. It was confusing, it was annoying, it was frustrating, and it was discouraging. By the end of the day, I was so frustrated, I didn't want to fight anymore. I pretty much just wanted to dig a hole and sit in it for awhile. In short, I was sulking.

When I was in high school, I did a lot of performing. I sang in two choirs, did every school play, and the yearly musical. When I first started performing, I would spend most of my on-stage time making sure I was saying the right lines, doing the right dance steps, staying in tune, harmonizing correctly, and, when I remembered, being nervous. As the years passed, the stage fright and self-analysis faded, and it got to the point where I didn't even think anymore, I just did. The really good performances, I couldn't even remember once I got off stage. It wasn't that I was performing by rote or that I was bored--I became a vehicle for my technique.

I'm not at that point in my fencing game. I'm still in the first blush of learning new stuff, where a lot of my time on the field is preoccupied with thinking. I think about what I'm going to do, I think about my calibration and measure, I think about the person I'm fighting, I think about speed, I think about everything. This isn't necessarily at bad thing at the moment--as long as I'm not preoccupied with negative brain stuff, like nervousness or self-consciousness, it's okay. I'm supposed to be analyzing and applying my new skills and techniques, and if I have to think about them to do them right now, that's okay. For now. Eventually, it'll get to the point where I don't have to think about it (not one day too soon, in my opinion), but not today.

Well, yesterday, I wasn't thinking at all. I wasn't analyzing, planning, scheming, plotting, or concocting. By the end of the day, I wasn't even reacting. And it sucked.

That point, the part where I'm not thinking, I'm just doing, is the Zen I'm constantly harping on about. Sometimes I feel it--or, at least, feel it in the aftermath, because it sort of asserts itself without my noticing and I don't realize until it's gone that it was there at all. I know I won't have the Zen fencing every fight forever once I hit a certain point, but I'd like to have it regularly once I improve a little bit. For now, I'm stuck with my brain making noise most of the time.

I can't really remember any of my fights from yesterday. I can remember the fights from practice, I can remember the fights from Darach Anniversary last week, but I can't remember the fights from yesterday. I remember my first fight with Don Andre pretty well, because I was thinking and had a plan and all that good stuff, but everything after that was just awful.

As I think I've said before, I don't get annoyed when I lose, especially not when I lose to someone who's been fighting a lot longer and is a lot better than I am. I get annoyed when I lose and I can't figure out what I did wrong or how I got killed. That was my day all day yesterday.

Dons Andre and Alexander were kind enough to walk me through the fights afterward and, as always, Laertes was right there before and after to give me tips, pointers, suggestions, and encouragement. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by very patient, encouraging, inspiring people who are willing to give their time and energy to help me improve my game, even when I'm being a bit of a brat about it.

I think this is the first hurdle Laertes mentioned I'd hit--where I'm getting a lot of new information and trying to implement it. He said the first little while of the studentship would be really frustrating because I wouldn't be improving, even though I had all these shiny new tricks and ideas to use. Quite possible.

Man, I wish I didn't get discouraged so easily. I've always been better at talking myself down than shoring myself up, and the more something matters to me, the harder I am on myself. I may not be a great fencer, but I have, like, a black belt in beating myself up.

This is something I notice in my personal life as well--the arsenal of things I have to make me feel good about myself is far outgunned by the arsenal of things I have to make myself feel worse. But that's a post for another day and another blog.

The solution to this, obviously, is more practice. Nate (Dylan, to those of you in the scene) suggested that maybe I was being too hard on myself and driving myself too hard to perform, but I think the opposite is true--I'm not practicing enough, or drilling enough. I know that results won't come overnight, but if I don't feel like I'm really doing my all, I have a reason to feel bad about my performance. If I feel like I'm working hard enough, I have no reason to beat up on myself. Slow and steady and all that.

I wasn't feeling great at the beginning of Darach practice today, and my first fight with Askell was terrible and very discouraging, but Don Alexander worked with me for entirely longer than he should have at playing with constraints (I've gotten how they worked just fine, it's the what to do after I get up in the face part I've had trouble with). After that I was back in the learning headspace and feeling a lot better.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends...

(Also, I have some new drills. More on those later.)